You Are Wrong.If I had a dollar for every time I was told I was happy, I, well, wouldn't be rich—that'd be a gross overexaggeration—but if I invested that money in some sweet-action stocks and bonds, I would be wealthy. Well, I'm not always clouds and butterflies. I do have a list, and I'm going to share some of it with you—except for number one, which if you can guess, I will tell you, but I won't volunteer it. Things that annoy/scare me: listed as follows.
- Hair. When it's in food, it makes me gag. Yes, full on dry heave. I can't control it. Connection: tramatic experience in first grade.
- Bikers: When they get too close to me on the side walk, and they're going too fast (anything over two miles an hour), I panic. My heart beats an extra twenty-five beats per minute. Connection: bike accident.
- Big Dogs: When they run at me, it scares me, and I'm grossed out when they lick me on my face, hand, arm, leg, or foot. Connection: bitten by a dog when I was five.
- Vine-Dresser's Son Syndrome: If you're not going to do it, don't tell me you will, unless you have a really good excuse—in which case, I will gladly excuse you. Bottom line: Don't say you're going to do it if you're not. Connection: generally revolves around boys I like. Nothing kills interest faster.
- Cat Haters: Yes, people who hate cats. You know who you are. Why you hate these cute, beautiful, elegant creatures is beyond me. The only thing I don't like about them is they make me sneeze. Connection: 'nough said.
- Being Late: I know you would never guess that, and you are thinking to yourself, "if she hates being late, why is she always late?" Numbers are not my friends, people. Connection: a frustrating daily occurrence. I'm done with trying to find connections to these points.
- My Memory: I have the worst memory of anyone I know. Don't worry that one time I was introducing one of my guy friends—who I had known for three years—I completely forgot his name, and he noticed. What's more embarrassing than that? It will make me feel better if you can come up with something.
- Being Cold: I don't know how this made it to the end of the list, but it's the worst thing I can experience. When it's coupled with being tired and cold, it's even worse. Please never see me in this state. I guess there are times, though, when I'm fine with it, like the polar bear plunge or water skiing in forty degree water. I only did these activities because they were so random; how could I not?
Okay, that's good enough for now. And actually, I didn't really like writing that list. I need some counteraction (noun: to make ineffective or restrain or neutralize the usually ill effects of by means of an opposite force, action, or influence
). Here's a little bit of the happy list, and you'll have to do without explanations.
- I love silent dance parties! They are my new favorite thing. Nothing is more hilarious than my roommate calling for a silent dance party when my other roommate is sleeping and we can't make noise. I have never seen, experienced, nor created crazier dance moves. So random, so spontaneous, and so fun. You should try it.
- Small planes flying overhead have got to be one of my favorite things ever. I can't help but relax when I hear them.
- Cut grass in the spring. Summer's coming! Summer's coming!
- My roommates' hilarious banter and esoteric references to works of art. When else in my life have I ever heard someone run down a hall to open the door while quoting great poetry of the eighteenth century?
- Daydreaming about traveling. My heart, and I'm not joking about this, skips beats, and, when I'm really excited, I can't breath at times. Isn't that what love's supposed to be like? Sometimes I feel like that song "Brandi, you're a fine girl." I'm trying, relatively, to get over it. I think there's a reason why I don't have money: I'd never settle down.
