Roundhouse to the Heart

Here's my casual-dating confession: sometimes I've been that girl. Yeah, the one you never want to be. The one you see yourself being in the very moment it's happening, and you don't want to be her, but it seems like it's beyond your control to stop being her. You see yourself not answering a text for days for every excuse imaginable, not returning a phone call for long periods of time, not entering a room so you don't have to confront a situation. Avoiding. I know I'm not alone in this, but it's inconsiderate at best, and extremely disrespectful to another person. This is supposedly under the guise that we don't want to hurt feelings. But really, does it prevent that outcome? No. It only postpones and makes something that's hard even harder.

So I owe the universe, and I've known that for a while. And I feel like some of that payment has been exacted (verb: to call for forcibly or urgently and obtain). The results of which felt like a roundhouse to the heart. A hit I'm absolutely willing to take because I know a taste of my own medicine is healthy and necessary. 

Here's to my progression. I went on a date a couple weeks ago. He showed up with flowers, and instead of thinking it was too much, which my former self would have done, I thought, "that's so thoughtful and nice." In the whole interaction, I tried to see him as a friend and someone I was trying to get to know, not someone I was evaluating. He sent a card in the mail afterward, probably because I didn't have a phone for an after-date text, and it made my day because it was a hilarious card and definitely way too much. But I think that's just his personality; he's an over-the-top kind of guy. I also found myself defending him when people thought maybe he was a creeper, and it felt good. Finally, he asked me out again, and guess what, I told him straight up no, in a kind way. I knew I couldn't go out again, and I was direct and honest about it. He thanked me so much for being honest, and now I feel I've gained a friend. Success!